I'm finding my way back to sanity again
though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there.
(lifehouse)

So, here's my deal:
A little more than a month ago I had a panic attack. Rapid heart rate/nervousness that lasted all night. And my life has not been the same since. It's like every issue I have in my life has been magnified and they're all trying their hardest to be the biggest issue in my life.
I've learned a lot in the last month, about the nature of anxiety...how the mind can pretty much take over your body and dictate that you're never going to relax again. I've learned that there's a lot of people out there like me. I've also realized this wasn't something that just "started" a month ago. It's been there, lurking for years just waiting to jump in and take over. I've learned relaxation techniques and breathing techniques and what it's like to fear everyday things. I've also learned how awesome the people in my life are. My family and best friend have been above and beyond the best people I could have around me. They don't understand how I feel but they try to and help me more than I think they'll ever really know.
It's hard, because I've never been dependant on others for my emotional well being (or the fact that I'm still sane)...I've always been someone who holds everything inside and tries to keep control over everything. And like many (I'm guessing) neurotic control freaks, I fail to control anything.

Storm

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form.
The water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head.


If I could just see You everything would be alright.
If I could see You this darkness would turn into light
and I will walk on water, and You will catch me if I fall,
and I will get lost into Your eyes
and everything will be alright, and everything will be alright.


I know You didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down.
Barely surviving has become my purpose
'cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface.

and I will walk on water and You will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright.
(lifehouse)

Somewhere in Between

I can't be losing sleep

over this, no I can't
and now I cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing

cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

this is over my head
but underneath my feet
cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream

would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
don't be surprised if I collapse
down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between

(lifehouse)